Люди работают большую часть времени, для того чтобы жить, и свободное время, которое остается, настолько тревожит их, что они всеми способами пытаются избавиться от него. This is wrong. Мы не должны забывать создавать воспоминания и наслаждаться моментами. Не должны забывать жить.
Essay on The story of my life
Let me introduce myself. My name is Anna German. I was born in Novokuznetsk, on the 1st of October 1986. It was very nasty weather this day, cold and rainy. I could say that I had quite a happy and exciting childhood. I hated wearing dresses and behaved like a tomboy. Thanks to my elder brother. At the age of 8, my family moved to another country. I love my new homeland, but I still miss Russia.
I studied foreign languages at university and graduated in 2009. I can’t say that I was a bookworm, but I really enjoyed studying. I didn’t finish university with flying colors, but according to my teachers, I was good.Now I’m almost 30. When I look at myself in the mirror I see a young woman with short wavy hair, grey-green eyes and a slender figure. As to my appearance, I think I’m short. I’ve never considered myself a beauty. I don’t like wearing high-heeled shoes, but I can’t imagine my life without trousers or jeans. I think that I"m pretty calm and modest. But sometimes I can lose my temper and become really angry. I like staying alone and spend my free time reading books in my cozy flat. I have a few friends and I think they are the best. I love good jokes and I think I"ve got a nice sense of humour. It means I understand and appreciate it.
Nowadays I live alone in a city far from my parents" place. I terribly miss my mom, dad and my brother. I try to visit them once or twice a month. When we are together, we drive to our country house in the village. My mom cooks something delicious and dad goes fishing with my brother. I prefer spending time with the male half of our family. Just to let you know that I’m terrible at cooking.
I admit that I’m a lazy person, so, my hobby is not riding a bike, skating or skiing. I collect photos and souvenirs from all the countries I have visited. I’ve been to Egypt, Greece, Poland, Sweden and Germany. And my dream is to visit Great Britain, walk around London and visit my friend in Glasgow, Scotland.
Сочинение на тему История моей жизни
Позвольте мне представиться. Меня зовут Анна Герман. Я родилась в Новокузнецке, 1 октября 1986 года. В этот день была крайне неприятная погода, холодная и дождливая. Я могу сказать, что у меня было вполне счастливое и захватывающее детство. Я ненавидела носить платья и вела себя как пацанка. Спасибо моему старшему брату за это. Когда мне было 8, моя семья переехала в другую страну. Мне нравится моя новая родина, но я все еще скучаю по России.
Я изучала иностранные языки в университете и закончила его в 2009 году. Не могу сказать, что я была книжным червем, но мне очень нравилось учиться. Я не закончила университет на отлично, но, по словам моих учителей, я был хороша.Сейчас мне почти 30. Когда я смотрю на себя в зеркало, то вижу молодую женщину с короткими волнистыми волосами, серо-зелеными глазами и стройной фигурой. Что касается моей внешности, я думаю, что я низкая. Никогда не считала себя красавицей. Мне не нравится носить туфли на высоком каблуке, но я не могу представить свою жизнь без брюк или джинсов. Думаю, что я довольно спокойная и скромная. Но иногда я могу выйти из себя и очень разозлиться. Мне нравится уединение, и я провожу свободное время, читая книги в своей уютной квартире. У меня есть несколько друзей, и я думаю, что они лучшие. Люблю хорошие шутки, и думаю, что у меня хорошее чувство юмора. Это означает, что я понимаю его и ценю.
В настоящее время я живу одна в городе, далеко от моих родителей. Я ужасно скучаю по маме, папе и брату. Пытаюсь навещать их один или два раза в месяц. Когда мы вместе, то едем в наш загородный домик в деревне. Моя мама готовит что-то вкусное, а отец с моим братом идут на рыбалку. Я предпочитаю проводить время с мужской половиной нашей семьи. Просто даю вам знать, что я ужасна в готовке.
Признаться, я ленивый человек, поэтому мое хобби — это не катание на велосипеде, коньках или лыжах. Я собираю фотографии и сувениры из всех стран, в которых я побывала. Я была в Египте, Греции, Польше, Швеции и Германии. И моя мечта — посетить Великобританию, прогуляться по Лондону и навестить моего друга в Глазго, Шотландия.
Похожие сочинения
My Daughter Learned to Count
My daughter woke me around 11:50 last night. My wife and I had picked her up from her friend Sally’s birthday party, brought her home, and put her to bed. My wife went into the bedroom to read while I fell asleep watching the Braves game.
“Daddy,” she whispered, tugging my shirt sleeve. “Guess how old I’m going to be next month.”
“I don’t know, beauty,” I said as I slipped on my glasses. “How old?”
She smiled and held up four fingers.
He Stood Against My Window
I don’t know why I looked up, but when I did I saw him there. He stood against my window. His forehead rested against the glass, and his eyes were still and light and he smiled a lipstick-red, cartoonish grin. And he just stood there in the window. My wife was upstairs sleeping, my son was in his crib and I couldn’t move. I froze and watched him looking at me through the glass.
Oh, please, no. His smile never moved but he put a hand up and slid it down the glass watching me. With matted hair and yellow skin and face through the window.
Don’t be scared of the monsters, just look for them. Look to your left, to your right, under your bed, behind your dresser, in your closet but never look up, she hates being seen.
What’s in the basement?
Mommy told me never to go into the basement, but I wanted to see what was making that noise. It kind of sounded like a puppy, and I wanted to see the puppy, so I opened the basement door and tiptoed down a bit. I didn’t see a puppy, and then Mommy yanked me out of the basement and yelled at me. Mommy had never yelled at me before, and it made me sad and I cried. Then Mommy told me never to go into the basement again, and she gave me a cookie. That made me feel better, so I didn’t ask her why the boy in the basement was making noises like a puppy, or why he had no hands or feet.
“Yeeeeeeeees?“
When I was a child my family moved into a big old two-floor house, with big empty rooms and creaking floorboards. Both my parents worked so I was often alone when I came home from school. One early evening when I came home the house was still dark.
I called out, “Mum?” and heard her sing song voice say “Yeeeeees?” from upstairs. I called her again as I climbed the stairs to see which room she was in, and again got the same “Yeeeeees?” reply. We were decorating at the time, and I didn’t know my way around the maze of rooms but she was in one of the far ones, right down the hall. I felt uneasy, but I figured that was only natural so I rushed forward to see my mum, knowing that her presence would calm my fears, as a mother’s presence always does.
Just as I reached for the handle of the door to let myself in to the room I heard the front door downstairs open and my mother call “Sweetie, are you home?” in a cheery voice. I jumped back, startled and ran down the stairs to her, but as I glanced back from the top of the stairs, the door to the room slowly opened a crack. For a brief moment, I saw something strange in there, and I don’t know what it was, but it was staring at me.
All I saw was red
I checked into a small hotel. It was late and I was tired. I told the woman at desk that I wanted a room. She gave me the key and said, “One more thing - there is one room without a number on your floor and it is always locked. Don’t even peek in there.” I took the key, went into my room and tried to sleep. Night came and I heard trickling of water. I could not sleep, so I opened my door and went into the hall. The sound was coming from the room with no number. I pounded on the door. No response. I looked into the keyhole and saw nothing except red. Water was still trickling. I went down to the front desk to complain. “By the way who is in that room?” She looked at me and told me the story. There was woman in there. She was murdered by her husband. Her skin was all white, except for her eyes, which were red.
Для поддержания интереса изучения английского языка, особенно начинающим изучать язык, просто необходимы рассказы именно для начинающих — простые и небольшие тексты с простой грамматикой и лексикой. Но простота текстов не делает рассказы нудными — скорее наоборот, слишком сложные тексты могу отпугнуть тех, кто начинает учить язык.
Рассказы на английском с переводом на русский
Перевод предложений историй выполнен курсивом.
Hungry Wolf (Голодный волк )
This is a short story about Hungry Wolf.
Этот короткий рассказ о голодном волке.
Once, a wolf was very hungry.
Однажды жил был очень голодный волк.
It looked for food here and there. But it couldn’t get any. At last it found a loaf of bread and piece of meat in the hole of a tree.
Он искал еду там и тут. Но так ничего и не находил. В конце концов от нашел ломоть хлеба и кусок мяса в дупле дерева.
The hungry wolf squeezed into the hole. It ate all the food. It was a woodcutter’s lunch. He was on his way back to the tree to have lunch. But he saw there was no food in the hole, instead, a wolf. On seeing the woodcutter, the wolf tried to get out of the hole. But it couldn’t. Its tummy was swollen.
Голодный волк нырнул в дупло. Он съел всю еду. Но это был обед лесоруба. Он возвращался к дереву чтобы пообедать. Но он увидел, что в дупле еды нет, кроме как волка. На глазах лесоруба, волк пытался выбраться из дупла. Но он не мог. Его живот был раздут.
The woodcutter caught the wolf and gave it nice beatings.
Лесоруб поймал волка и дал ему хорошей взбучки.
A Moral Story: The Dog and The Cows (Моральный рассказ: Собаки и Коровы)
The cows used to eat hay from the manger. One day a herd of cows came to the manger to eat hay. They saw a dog lying on the hay in the manger.
Коровы привыкли есть сено из кормушки. Однажды стадо коров пришло к кормушке, чтобы съесть сено. Они увидел собаку, лежащую в кормушке на сене.
One of the cows pleaded, «Please, will you get up! We are hungry. We have to eat our hay». The dog did not take heed of it.
Одна из коров взмолилась, — «Пожалуйста, не мог бы ты встать! Мы голодны. Мы должны есть наше сено». Собака не обратила внимание.
Once again another cow pleaded, «Please, let us have our hay». The dog snarled and the cow stepped back.
Другая корова еще раз взмолилась, — «Пожалуйста, позволь нам съесть наше сено». Собака зарычала и корова попятилась назад.
A wise cow ran up to the bull and told him the matter.
Мудрая корова прибежала к быку и все ему рассказала.
The bull came and requested, «Get out, please! Let them have their food». There was no reply. The bull became angry. He bellowed loudly and stamped his legs. The dog got frightened and ran for his life.
Бык пришел и потребовал, — «Уходи, пожалуйста! Позволь им съесть их еду». Но ответа не последовало. Бык разозлился. Он громка замычал и забил копытами. Собака испугалась и убежала куда глаза глядят.
Children are Wiser than Elders
It was rainy season in Russia. In a certain village in Russia the rain water was flowing in streams in a street. It had rained and stopped a little while ago. Two little girls were playing in the street water. It was festival time. They were wearing new frocks. Malasha was the younger of the two little girls. Akulya was the older girl.
В России было дождливое время года. В деревне в России дождевая вода текла ручьем по улицам. Недавно прошел дождь. Две маленькие девочки играли в уличной воде. Это было время фестиваля. Они были в новых платьях. Малаша был моложе двух маленьких девочек. Акулья была девочкой постарше.
Malasha stamped her foot in the water. It was a little muddy. The muddy water splashed. It fell on Akulya’s new frock. Akulya was just rubbing out the mud. At that time Akulya’s mother was walking that way. She looked at her daughter’s dress. She scolded her daughter.
Малаша шлепнула своей ногой по воде. Она была немного грязной. Грязная вода расплескалась в разные стороны. Она попала на новое платье Акульи. Акулья была вся в грязи. В то же самое время мама Акульи шла мимо. Она взглянула на платье дочери. Она стала кричать на свою дочь.
“How can you make your new dress so dirty?» she asked.
«Как могла ты сделать свое новое платье таким грязным?» — спросила она.
“Malasha splashed the water on me, mother,» said Akulya.
«Малаша плеснула воду на меня, мама,» — сказала Акулья.
Akulya’s mother caught Malasha. She gave two or three slaps on the back of Malasha. Malasha started weeping loudly. Malasha’s house was close by. Malasha’s mother heard her daughter Malasha’s weeping. She came out in hurry.
Мама Акульи поймала Малашу. Она шлепнула два или три раза по спине Малаши. Малаша громко заплакала. Дома Малаши был близко. Мама Малаши услышала плачь своей дочки. Она быстро вышла.
“Why are you weeping?» asked her mother.
«Почему ты плачешь?» — спросила ее мама.
“Akulya’s mother beat me on my back,» said Malasha.
«Мама Акульи ударила меня по спине», — сказала Малаша.
Malasha’s mother turned to Akulya’s mother in an angry mood. Malasha’s mother abused Akulya’s mother. Soon they started quarrelling loudly. They called each other names. Their shouting continued.
Мама Малаши повернулась к маме Акульи в злом настроении. Мама Малаши оскорбила маму Акульи. Вскоре они начали громко ссориться. Они назвали друг друга разными именами. Их перебранка продолжилась.
Other women joined them soon. Some supported Akulya’s mother. Some supported Malasha’s mother. The two fighting groups became bigger and bigger. The men also joined in the fighting. The quarrel became never ending.
Другие женщины также присоединились. Некоторые поддержали маму Акульи. Некоторые поддержали маму Малаши. Две противоборствующие группы становились все больше и больше. Мужчина также присоединились к противостоянию. Ссора стала нескончаемой.
At that time the grandmother of Akulya came out of the house. She told the men and the women not to fight. “It is festival time. People should not quarrel,» she told them.
В это время бабушки Акульи вышла из дома. Она сказала мужчинам и женщинам перестать. «Сейчас время фестиваля. Люди не должны ссориться», — сказала она им.
No one listened to her. No one cared for her words. In the meantime Malasha and Akulya forgot about their quarrel. They became friends again. They moved away from the fighting crowd. They started letting paper boats in the running water. Now the old woman said to the fighting groups.
Никто не послушал ее. Никому не было дела до ее слов. В то же самое время Малаша и Акулья забыли о ссоре. Они опять стали подругами. Они отдалились от противостоящей толпы. Они начали делать бумажные кораблики и запустили по воде. Теперь старая женщина сказала противоборствующим группам.
“Look at the children. They have forgotten their quarrel. They have started playing again. They have become friends again. But you men and women still keep quarrelling. Are you not ashamed of your tendency?»
«Посмотрите на детей. Они забыли об их сооре. Они начали снова играть. Они опять стали друзьями. Но вы, мужчины и женщины, все еще продолжаете ссориться. Вам не стыдно за такое?»
The men and the women looked at the little girls. They felt ashamed. They went back to their houses quietly.
Мужчины и женщины посмотрели на маленьких девочек. Им было стыдно. Они тихо разошлись по своим домам.
Children forget and forgive very easily. The elders learnt this lesson from the little girls.
Дети забыли и простили очень просто. Взрослые выучили этот урок благодаря маленьким девочкам.
The Perfect Palace (Идеальный Дворец)
Thousands of years ago, there lived a King. His people loved him since he looked after their needs well. At the end of every month, he would invite some noble men of his Kingdom to analyze his work and advised him.
Тысячи лет назад, жил-был Король. Его люди любили его с тех пора как он заботился об их нуждах. В конце месяца, он приглашал дворянина мужчину его Королевства, чтобы проанализировать его работу и дать ему совет.
The King built many things. Every year he would rebuild his palace and every time it looked better that before. “Marvelous! Unmatched!!» the couriers would praise and the King would feel elated.
Король построил много вещей. Каждый год он перестраивал свой дворец и каждый раз он выглядел лучше чем прежде. «Чудесный! Непревзойденный!» — хвалили придворные и Король был на седьмом небе.
One day the King thought, “This year, I will build the perfect palace, with all comforts. It should be praised not only within my kingdom, but also by the people of the neighboring states.»
В один день Король подумал, «В этом году, я построю идеальный дворец, со всеми удобствами. Он должен был похвален не только моим королевством, но также людьм соседних государств».
The next day, the King worked out a perfect design for his perfect palace. After finalizing it, he handed it over to the builders. In about a month, the perfect palace of the King’s dream was ready. The King invited noblemen of his kingdom, as well as the neighboring states, to get their opinions about the palace.
На следующий день, Король сделал идельный проект для своего идеального дворца. После того, как он его закончил, он передал его строителям. Прошло около месяца, идеальный дворец-мечта Короля был готов. Король пригласил знатных людей королевства, также и из соседних государств, чтобы получить мнение о дворце.
“Unbelievable! Indeed, it is a perfect palace,» cheered the noblemen in unison. But a saint standing in the corner was silent.
«Невероятно! В самом деле, это идеальный дворец», — приветствующе говорили дворяне все как одни. Но святой стоял в углу в полном молчании.
The King wondered why the saint was silent, when everyone was praising his palace. He walked up to the saint and said, “Please tell, O Saint, why you are silent. Is not my palace perfect?»
Король удивился, почему святой был такой тихий, когда как все хвалят его дворец. Он подошел к святому и сказал, — «Скажи пожалуйста, О Святой, почему ты так молчалив. Не идеален ли мой дворец?»
The Saint replied in a calm voice, “Dear King! Your palace is strong and will last forever. It is beautiful but not perfect, since the people living in it are mortals. They are not permanent. Your palace will live forever but not the people in it. That is why I am silent. Man is born with empty hands and so does he die.»
Святой ответил спокойным голосом, «Дорогой Король! Твой дворец мощен и будет таким всегда. Он красив, но не идеален, с того момента как в нем живут смертные. Ты не вечен. Твой дворец будет жить всегда, но не люди, живущие в нем. Вот почему я так тих. Человек рождается с пустыми руками и так он умирает».
The King thanked the saint for his wise words and never tried to build a perfect palace again.
Король побладарил святого за его мудрые слова и никогда больше не пытался снова построить идеальный дворец.
At school
Summer is over and it is autumn again, beautiful as ever. Even if you are no artist at all you can see its beauty. It is a season when the trees are simply fantastic — yellow, red, green and brown, not just one brown, but browns of all possible shades: light brown, dark brown, yellowish brown and all of a richness that only an artist can see and describe.
Лето закончилось и снова настала осень, красивая как всегда. Даже если вы вовсе не художник, вы сможете увидеть ее красоту. Это сезон, когда деревья просто фантастические — желтые, красные, зеленые и коричневые, не просто коричневые, но коричневые со всеми возможными оттенками: светло-коричневый, темно-коричневый, желтовато-коричневый и другие убранства, которые может увидеть и описать только художник.
Andrey is back in Klinovo. He has just come but his thoughts are still in Saint Petersburg where the autumn is so beautiful.
Андрей вернулся из Клиново. Он только что приехал, но его мысли были все еще в Санкт Петербурге, где осень так красива.
This is not his first visit there. He has already been to Saint Petersburg and he has learnt its streets, roads, parks, theatres, cinemas and old and new beautiful buildings. He easily recognizes the streets, buildings, buses, parks and the noise. Noise is everywhere.
Это не первый его визит сюда. Он уже был в Санкт Петербург и он выучил его улицы, дороги, парик, театры, кино и старые и новые красивые здания. Он с легкостью распознает усицы, здания, автобусы, парки и шум. Шум повсюду.
Now he is with his classmates and the usual talk begins.
Сейчас он со своими одноклассниками и начинаются обычные разговоры.
«Hallo, Andrey!»
«Привет, Андрей!»
«Hallo, Ivan.»
«Привет, Иван»
«I am very glad to see you again. How is everything?»
«Я очень рад видеть тебя снова. Как ты?»
«Thank you, fine.»
«Спасибо, хорошо».
«Now tell me, where have you been all the time? I haven’t seen you for ages and you haven’t written a word. Did you go anywhere?»
«Теперь расскажи мне, где ты был все это время? Я не виде тебя много лет и ты не написал ни слова. Ты пойдешь куда-нибудь?»
«Certainly, I did. I have just come back from Saint Petersburg.»
«Конечно, я буду. Я только что вернулся из Санкт Петербурга».
«How did you like it? Is it a good place to go to?»
«Как тебе он? Это хорошее место, чтобы поехать туда?»
«Splendid! You must go there some day, too.»
«Великолепное! Ты должен поехать туда однажды тоже».
«I certainly shall. And I shall write letters to you as I know you like to get letters.»
«Я конечно же поеду. И я напишу тебе письма, так как я знаю, что ты любишь получать письма.»
Igor’s working day
You know Igor lives with his family in Oktybrskiy. He is a pupil of the 8th form.
Ты знаешь, Игорь живет со своей семьей в Октябрьском. Он ученик 8-го класса.
Igor is very busy on weekdays. Every morning he goes to school. The school is not so far from Oktyabrskiy. It is on the nearest farm. The boy goes there in a bus. The bus takes boys and girls and carries them to school.
Игорь очень занят в рабочие дни. Каждое утро он идет в школу. Школа не так далеко от Октябрьского. Он возле фермы. Мальчик ездит туда на автобусе. Автобус забирает мальчиков и девочек и перевозит их в школу.
Here is Igor’s working day. The alarm clock rings at 7 o’clock and Igor gets up. He does his morning exercises at the open window, washes and dresses. Igor’s mother gets up an hour before Igor. She prepares breakfast for the family. After breakfast Igor leaves home. The bus is waiting for the children near the shop. Igor goes to school with his friends. He stays at school till 2 or 3 o’clock. Then he comes home. His mother waits for him. They have dinner. After dinner he rests a little or helps his mother or father.
Вот рабочий день Игоря. Будильник звенит в 7 часов и Игорь встает. Он делает утренние упражнения с открытым окном, умывается и одевается. Мама Игоря встает часом раньше Егора. Она готовит семье завтра. После завтрака Игорь выходит из дома. Автобус ждет детей возле магазина. Игорь еде в школу со своими друзьями. Он находится в школе с 2 до 3. Затем он приходит домой. Его мать ждет его. Они ужинают. После ужина он немного отдыхает или помогает маме или папе.
Then he does his homework in different subjects: in English, history, mathematics, physics and others.
Затем он делает его домашнюю работу по разным предметами: по-английскому, истории, математике, физике и другим.
Sometimes Igor stays at school a little longer. There is a good library there. Igor likes to work in the library. He often does his homework there.
Иногда Игорь остается в школе несколько дольше. Там есть хорошая библиотека. Игорь любит работать в библиотеке. Он часто делает там свою домашнюю работу.
In the evening Igor likes to stay at home. He watches TV, listens to the radio or reads a book. He sometimes goes for a walk with his friends. On Saturday and Sunday Igor often goes to the club.
Вечером Игорь любит оставаться дома. Он смотрит телевизор, слушает радио или читает книги. Иногда он прогуливается с друзьями. В субботу и воскресенье Игорь часто ходит в клуб.
Данные простые истории вы можете скачать и сохранить на свой компьютер либо телефон или планшет.
Таким образом, весьма интересно читать для разнообразия маленькие, короткие рассказы на английском языке, в особенности для начинающих изучать английский язык, и параллельно совмещая данное направление с прослушивание аудио либо видео с русскими субтитрами.
>> короткие поучительные истории на английском языке | short funny stories in english
Короткие поучительные истории на английском языке | Short Funny Stories in English
University
A lady in a faded gingham dress and her husband,dressed in a homespun threadbare suit, stepped off the train in Boston, and walked timidly without an appointment into the president of Harvard"s outer office. The secretary could tell in a moment that such backwoods, country hicks had no business at Harvard and probably didn"t even deserve to be in Cambridge.
She frowned. "We want to see the president," the man said softly. "He"ll be busy all day," the secretary snapped. "We"ll wait," the lady replied. For hours, the secretary ignored them, hoping that the couple would finally become discouraged and go away.
They didn"t. And the secretary grew frustrated and finally decided to disturb the president, even though it was a chore she always regretted to do. "Maybe if they just see you for a few minutes, they"ll leave," she told him.
And he sighed in exasperation and nodded. Someone of his importance obviously didn"t have the time to spend with them, but he detested gingham dresses and homespun suits cluttering up his outer office. The president, stern-faced with dignity, strutted toward the couple. The lady told him, "We had a son that attended Harvard for one year. He loved Harvard. He was happy here. But about a year ago, he was accidentally killed. And my husband and I would like to erect a memorial to him, somewhere on campus."
The president wasn"t touched, he was shocked. "Madam," he said gruffly. "We can"t put up a statue for every person who attended Harvard and died. If we did, this place would look like a cemetery". "Oh, no," the lady explained quickly. "We don"t want to erect a statue.
We thought we would like to give a building to Harvard." The president rolled his eyes. He glanced at the gingham dress and homespun suit, then exclaimed, "A building! Do you have any earthly idea how much a building costs? We have over seven and a half million dollars in the physical plant at Harvard." For a moment the lady was silent. The president was pleased. He could get rid of them now. And the lady turned to her husband and said quietly, "Is that all it costs to start a University? Why don"t we just start our own?" Her husband nodded. The president"s face wilted in confusion and bewilderment. And Mr. and Mrs. Leland Stanford walked away, traveling to Palo Alto, California where they established the University that bears their name, a memorial to a son that Harvard no longer cared about.
"You can easily judge the character of others by how they treat those who can do nothing for them or to them." Malcolm Forbes
Criminal Lawyers Award
A Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.
The lawyer sued...and won!
In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The Judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire, and was obligated to pay the claim.
Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."
After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.
This is a true story and was the 1st place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.
Great Moments in Physics
The following concerns a question in a physics degree exam at the University of Copenhagen. "Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer."
One student replied:
"You tie a long piece of string to the neck of the barometer, then lower the barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground. The length of the string plus the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building."
This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed. The student appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case. The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did the problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer which showed at least a minimal familiarity with the basic principles of physics.
For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead creased in thought. The arbiter reminded him that time was running out, to which the student replied that he had several extremely relevant answers, but couldn"t make up his mind which to use.
On being advised to hurry up the student replied as follows:
"Firstly, you could take the barometer up to the roof of the skyscraper, drop it over the edge, and measure the time it takes to reach the ground. The height of the building can then be worked out from the formula H = 0.5g x t squared. But bad luck on the barometer."
"Or if the sun is shining you could measure the height of the barometer, then set it on end and measure the length of its shadow. Then you measure the length of the skyscraper"s shadow, and thereafter it is a simple matter of proportional arithmetic to work out the height of the skyscraper."
"But if you wanted to be highly scientific about it, you could tie a short piece of string to the barometer and swing it like a pendulum, first at ground level and then on the roof of the skyscraper. The height is worked out by the difference in the gravitational restoring force T = 2 pi sqroot (l / g)."
"Or if the skyscraper has an outside emergency staircase, it would be easier to walk up it and mark off the height of the skyscraper in barometer lengths, then add them up."
"If you merely wanted to be boring and orthodox about it, of course, you could use the barometer to measure the air pressure on the roof of the skyscraper and on the ground, and convert the difference in millibars into feet to give the height of the building."
"But since we are constantly being exhorted to exercise independence of mind and apply scientific methods, undoubtedly the best way would be to knock on the janitor"s door and say to him "If you would like a nice new barometer, I will give you this one if you tell me the height of this skyscraper"."
The student was Niels Bohr, the only person from Denmark to win the Nobel prize for Physics.
A Man and His Dog
A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that his faithful dog had been dead for many years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. As he reached the wall, he saw a magnificent gate in the arch, and the street that led to the gate made from pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.
When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"
"This is heaven, sir," the man answered.
"Wow! Would you happen to have some water? We have traveled far," the man said.
"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I"ll have some ice water brought right up."
The man gestured, and the gate began to open.
"Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveler asked.
"I"m sorry, sir, but we don"t accept pets."
The man thought a moment, remembering all the years this dog remained loyal to him and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going. After another long walk he came to a plain dirt road, which led through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.
"Excuse me!" he called to the reader. "Do you have any water? We have traveled far."
"Yes, sure, there"s a faucet over there." The man pointed to a place that couldn"t be seen from outside the gate. "Come on in and help yourself."
"How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to his dog.
"There should be a bowl by the faucet; he is welcome to share."
They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned faucet with a bowl beside it. The traveler filled the bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree waiting for them.
"What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.
"This is heaven," was the answer.
"Well, that"s confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said that was heaven, too."
"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That"s hell."
"Doesn"t it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"
"No. We"re just happy that they screen out the folks who"d leave their best friends behind in exchange for material things."
Poor people
A wealthy family man took his son on a trip to the country, so he could have his son see how poor country people live.
They stayed one day and one night in the home of a very humble farmer. At the end of the trip, and when they were back home, the father asked his son, "What did you think of the trip?"
The son replied, "Very nice dad."
Then the father asked his son, "Did you notice how poor they were?"
The son replied, "Yes."
The father continued asking, "What did you learn?"
The son responded, "I learned that we have one dog in our house, and they have four.
Also, we have a fountain in our garden, but they have a stream that has no end.
And we have imported lamps in our garden . . . where they have the stars!
And our garden goes to the edge of our property. But they have the entire horizon as their back yard!"
At the end of the son"s reply the father was speechless.
His son then said, "Thank you dad for showing me how poor we really are."
Brownies
Many parents are hard pressed to explain to their youth why some music, movies, books, and magazines are not acceptable material for them to bring into the home or to listen to or see.
One parent came up with an original idea that is hard to refute. The father listened to all the reasons his children gave for wanting to see a particular "R" Rated movie. It had their favorite actors. Everyone else was seeing it. Even church members said it was great. It was only rated "R" because of the suggestion of sex...they never really showed it. The language was pretty good...the Lord"s name was only used in vain three times in the whole movie. The teens did admit there was a scene where a building and a bunch of people were blown up, but the violence was just the normal stuff. It wasn"t too bad.
Even if there were a few minor things, the special effects were fabulous and the plot was action packed. However, even with all the justifications the teens made for the "R" rating, the father still wouldn"t give in. He didn"t even give his children a satisfactory explanation for saying, "No." He just said, "No!"
A little later on that evening the father asked his teens if they would like some brownies he had baked. He explained that he"d taken the family"s favorite recipe and added a little something new. The children asked what it was. The father calmly replied that he had added dog poop.
However, he quickly assured them, it was only a little bit. All other ingredients were gourmet quality and he had taken great care to bake the brownies at the precise temperature for the exact time. He was sure the brownies would be superb.
Even with their father"s promise that the brownies were of almost perfect quality, the teens would not take any. The father acted surprised. After all, it was only one small part that was causing them to be so stubborn. He was certain they would hardly notice it. Still the teens held firm and would not try the brownies.
The father then told his children how the movie they wanted to see was just like the brownies. Our minds are tricking us into believing that just a little bit of evil won"t matter. But, the truth is even a little bit of poop makes the difference between a great treat and something disgusting and totally unacceptable. The father went on to explain that even though the movie industry would have us believe that most of today"s movies are acceptable fare for adults and youth, they are not.
Now when this father"s children want to do something or see something they should not, the father merely asks them if they would like some of his special brownies . . . and they never ask about that activity again.
Police Patrol
From the state where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this absolutely true story. Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Fort Worth, Texas. After last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his truck and trailer and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally, he got into the car and started the engine, switched the wipers on and off....it was a fine, dry summer night, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons" vehicles left. Finally, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road. The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I"ll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken." "I seriously doubt it", said the truly proud Hillbilly. "Tonight I"m the designated decoy."
В одной темной-темной комнате… Приготовьте свои фонарики, потому что наступила главная зловещая ночь года, когда принято рассказывать и читать самые пугающие истории.
Чтобы как следует испугаться на Хэллоуин, не обязательно читать длинные рассказы с обилием деталей и действующих лиц. Порой хватает всего двух предложений и абсолютно непредсказуемого поворота сюжета, чтобы по спине поползли мурашки.
В канун Дня всех святых мы перевели самые жуткие и рекордно короткие страшные истории на английском - поверьте, в ближайшую ночь вы точно будете спать с включенным светом.
- I begin tucking him into bed and he tells me, “Daddy, check for monsters under my bed.” I look underneath for his amusement and see him, another him, under the bed, staring back at me quivering and whispering, “Daddy, there’s somebody on my bed.”
Я укладываю его спать, а он говорит мне: «Папочка, проверь, нет ли у меня монстров под кроватью». Ради забавы я заглядываю под кровать и вижу его, другого его, прямо под кроватью, который с ужасом смотрит на меня, дрожит и шепчет: «Папочка, там кто-то у меня на кровати».
- Last night a friend rushed me out of the house to catch the opening act at a local bar’s music night. After a few drinks I realized my phone wasn’t in my pocket. I checked the table we were sitting at, the bar, the bathrooms, and after no luck I used my friend’s phone to call mine. After two rings someone answered, gave out a low raspy giggle and hung up. They didn’t answer again. I eventually gave it up as a lost cause and headed home. I found my phone laying on my nightstand, right where I left it.
Прошлой ночью друг в спешке вытащил меня из дома, чтобы мы успели на выступление группы на разогреве на музыкальном вечере в местном баре. После нескольких рюмок до меня дошло, что у меня в кармане нет телефона. Я проверил столик, за которым мы сидели, барную стойку, туалеты, и так ничего и не обнаружив, позвонил на свой телефон с телефона друга. После двух гудков кто-то снял трубку, издал негромкий хриплый смешок и сбросил звонок. Больше на звонки никто не отвечал. В конце концов я махнул рукой на это гиблое дело и отправился домой. Мой телефон лежал на прикроватной тумбочке, точно на том месте, где я его оставил.
- Don’t be scared of the monsters, just look for them. Look to your left, to your right, under your bed, behind your dresser, in your closet, but never look up, she hates being seen.
Не бойся монстров, просто попытайся их обнаружить. Посмотри налево, направо, под кроватью, за комодом, в шкафу. Только не смотри наверх, она не любит, когда на неё смотрят.
- Little Emily vanished last year. Now they’re pouring new sidewalks in my neighborhood, and I’ve found her name in the wet cement, written in remembrance. But it was written in reverse. And from below.
Малышка Эмили пропала в прошлом году. Сейчас в моем районе меняют покрытие на тротуарах, и я обнаружил её имя, которое кто-то написал в память о ней на сыром цементе. Но оно было написано наоборот. И откуда-то снизу.
- You hear your mom calling you into the kitchen. As you are heading down the stairs you hear a whisper from the closet saying, “Don’t go down there, darling, I heard it too.”
Ты слышишь, что мама зовет тебя на кухню. Но когда ты спускаешься по лестнице, ты вдруг слышишь шепот из чулана: «Не ходи туда, дорогой, я тоже это слышала».
- I watched as my soon to be father-in-law held his daughter’s hand as he walked down the aisle. Tears streamed down his face as the wedding march that played in the background reminded him that, in a few minutes, he would be watching me hold his daughter’s hand and slipping on her ring. He walked up to the altar and I took hold of her hand, grinning from ear to ear. It was the happiest day of my life. My bride’s father got down on his knees and started begging. “Please, I did what you asked. Just please give my daughter back.” I glared at him. “Shut up and stop ruining the moment. If you sit back down and enjoy the ceremony, maybe I’ll tell you where I’ve hidden the rest of her body.”
Я смотрел на то, как мой будущий тесть держал руку своей дочери и шел по проходу к алтарю. По его лицу катились слезы, потому что свадебный марш, который играл на заднем плане, напоминал ему о том, что через несколько минут уже он будет смотреть, как я держу руку его дочери и надеваю кольцо на её палец. Он подошел к алтарю, и я, широко улыбаясь, взял её руку. Это самый счастливый день в моей жизни. Отец моей невесты вдруг встал на колени начал умолять меня: «Пожалуйста, я сделал всё, о чём ты просил. Пожалуйста, просто верни мне мою дочь». Я бросил на него свирепый взгляд. «Закрой рот и не порть мне момент. Если ты сейчас расслабишься и насладишься церемонией, тогда я, может быть, скажу тебе, где я спрятал остальные части её тела».
- I don’t know why I looked up, but when I did I saw him there. He stood against my window. His forehead rested against the glass, and his eyes were still and light and he smiled a lipstick-red, cartoonish grin. And he just stood there in the window. My wife was upstairs sleeping, my son was in his crib and I couldn’t move. I froze and watched him looking past me through the glass. Oh, please no. His smile never moved but he put a hand up and slid it down the glass, watching me. With matted hair and yellow skin and face through the window. I couldn’t do anything. I just stayed there, frozen, feet still in the bushes I was pruning, looking into my home. He stood against my window.
Я не знаю, что заставило меня поднять глаза, но когда я посмотрел туда, я увидел его. Он стоял, прижавшись лицом к оконному стеклу. Он упирался любом в стекло, у него были спокойные глаза и губы, накрашенные красной помадой и растянутые в улыбке. И он просто стоял у окна. Моя жена спала наверху, мой сын был в колыбели, а я не мог пошевелиться. Я оцепенел и смотрел, как он смотрит в окно, словно мимо меня. О нет, пожалуйста, не надо. Его улыбка не дрогнула, но он поднял руку и провел ей по стеклу, смотря прямо на меня. Со своими спутанными волосами, желтой кожей и лицом в окне. Я не мог ничего поделать. Я мог только оставаться там, парализованный, стоя в кустах, которые я подрезал, смотря в окно своего дома. В котором стоял он.
- There"s nothing like the laughter of a baby. Unless it"s 3am. And you live alone.
Нет ничего лучше смеха младенца. Только не в 3 часа ночи. И когда ты живешь один.
- The deepest point of the ocean bed is 10,916 metres beneath the surface. According to our equipment, we should have reached it three kilometers ago.
Глубочайшая точка океанского дна расположена в 10916 метрах от поверхности. Если верить нашим приборам, мы должны были достичь её три километра назад.
- I woke up to hear strange knocking on glass. At first I thought it was the window until I heard it come from the mirror again.
Я проснулся от странного стука по стеклу. Сначала я думал, что это окно, пока в зеркало не постучали ещё раз.
- My daughter won’t stop crying and screaming in the middle of the night. I visit her grave and beg her to stop, but it doesn’t help.
Моя дочка всё время плачет и кричит посреди ночи. Я прихожу на её могилу и умоляю её прекратить, но это не помогает.
- “I can’t sleep”, she whispered, crawling into bed next to me. I woke up shivering and clutching the dress she was buried in.
«Я не могу заснуть», - прошептала она, забираясь в постель рядом со мной. Я проснулся, дрожа и прижимая к себе платье, в котором её похоронили.
- “Welcome to your new house”, said the agent as he left, handing me the keys. As I turned to close the door, I heard a child laugh and say, “Welcome indeed”.
«Добро пожаловать в ваш новый дом», - сказал агент по недвижимости, отдавая мне ключи. Когда я закрывал за ним дверь, детский голос засмеялся и сказал: «О да, добро пожаловать».
- He took the little girl with the promise of sweets. They found the body a few days later, ripped to shreds, but they never found his head.
Он заманил маленькую девочку, пообещав ей сладости. Тело обнаружили несколько дней спустя, разорванное в клочья, но его голову так и не нашли.
